yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
