What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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