i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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