i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
