everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
