Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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