Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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