the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize