he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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