Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
