im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
last night I used snow as a chaser
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
