Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
