If i come over, it means nothing
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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