If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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