You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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