Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
