This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize