I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
