my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
