it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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