Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
