fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
