So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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