if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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