I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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