dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
