420 ftw
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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