We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
