none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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