3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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