Pappa wants mamma naked
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Randomize
