He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
