I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
foreskin is a definite game changer
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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