I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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