if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize