The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
