Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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