I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
