It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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