i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
