I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize