I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
