I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
