dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
