He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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