I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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