his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
