theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
