Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My feet surprised me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
