Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
