im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
