k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
