so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
