I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How does it feel to date your dad?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
