Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
