i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
