I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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