I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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