I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
