need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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