It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
