HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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